|[||I'm listening to
|||||Lindsay Quit Lollygagging - Chiodos||]|
christmas depresses me.
every year it's the same.
i hug all my relatives and get overwhelmed with comments about my hair, my height, and whatever else possible.
i don't ever eat, and i tend to nod off every now and then.
the day before yesterday i slept more than usual. didn't eat. and i sat around all day with a headache and nothing to watch on tv.
something i do when i'm not feeling comfortable.
i'd rather not talk about my pity problems to someone who may stop by to read a paragraph of this, but i should get my feelings out somehow so i don't hold them in a later release them on people i don't want to hurt.
during this little vacation we took to new york, all i heard about was brad. brad this, brad that, because my mother just had to tell absolutly everyone about him.
and not once did i hear a question about how i was taking in the situation.
it seems very selfish to me, but if that's true, then i'm selfish.
but no one, absolutly no one, has taken my true opinion on the matter.
i never even knew my dad, does my mom honestly think that she can pass of this guy as someone who could be just as good?
she doesn't understand me.
she keeps telling me she understands but i know how she's looking at it. she wants me to be polite to him, just a hello every now and then.
but i can barely stand that.
i don't want this person in my life.
i know my mom is soo so happy.
i've never, and i mean never, have seen her so happy.
but i'm not just going to think about her, i have my own point of veiw also. i'm going to be looking out for myself as well as the ones i love.
i can't seem to have any balance with any of this though.
i can't deal with him, knowing my mom is happy, and have me tolerating him and treating him like he's family.
we share no blood.
i can barely stand to see them together.
seeing him there... it's just not dad.
i just keep wondering, 'what if dad was here with me?'